The Pursuer-Distancer Dance

You can only help someone who is moving toward you. If they are moving away, they are distancing from you and not listening to you. How do you know if someone is distancing? You will feel in your body that you are pursuing. And the harder you pursue, the faster the person will distance themselves. This is what psychologists call the pursuer-distance dance, and it occurs not only in sales but also in dating.


The First step in Princeton Selling is to get people moving toward you – to attract them rather than pursue them. There are two critical aspects to this:

1. People tend to move toward someone they know, like, and trust – someone they feel good or comfortable with. The first step is to position yourself as a likable, trusted advisor, not as a salesperson. 

2. People move toward value. If you have something they value, something they want, they will be attracted to you. Your mission is to create value.

When it comes to customers, you create value by being likable and trustworthy, solving their problems, and making them feel good. You’ll also need to be in what we call flow with them. Flow is the frequency of interactions with people – face-to-face, on the phone, through the mail, through email, through social media. The key is that these interactions need to create value; they should not be annoying mail, email, or phone calls from an annoying salesperson. 

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439 Grand Avenue

Ewing, NJ 08628

1180 Sam Rittenberg Blvd, Suite 160

Charleston, SC 29407

3495 Butler St, Suite 201

Pittsburgh, PA 15201

1293 Professional Dr., Suite D #106

Myrtle Beach, SC 29577

*The Princeton Promise is subject to applicable lending rules and regulations and is subject to change.

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